Have recently come back into touch with a long ago friend who has encouraged me to love myself. Now, those of you who know me might think that I have never had a problem with self love, heck sometimes all I have thought about is myself, selfish guy by nature that Tim Roorda. My friend, though, has encouraged me to love myself practically, i.e. make a practice of loving myself. My immediate response is, heck, since 14 or so, I have practiced loving myself...all too often! What my friend means, though, I have realized, appears alien to me. Among the ramifications, first: actually quit accusing myself of being a bad person; set down the negative adjectives; cease and desist the selfishness that beats me over the head with how inadequate I am or what I just did is. Let go the self obsessed judgment in how I relate with others; stop prefacing interaction with apologies. Second: become aware of how I do fit in, how I am contributing to the work around me, of the attributes I genuinely love about myself. My friend encouraged me to write a love letter to myself, read, record, and listen to it. How weird! So I did: a fascinating exercise, healing practice, highly recommend it. To love self anew, I had to realize the old way, the obsessed judgment that self castigates, injects guilt and/or shame, forces me to read self improvement books and induces me to buy what advertisements tell me to buy, did not achieve the desired effect: better self. To love myself anew, I have to apply myself to seeing the good, look inward for resolution, "don't just do something, sit there." Strangely, this corresponds with one of my focused prayers over the past few years:  "God, please turn my eyes away from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. God, please help open my eyes to the Tree of Life." In short, God, Who has everything to do with the Tree of Life, encourages self love, has given Self through the Christ, has always been encouraging me that way: am a beloved child of The Author. Could that be one of Christ's most profound messages: peace on earth good will to men (and women), forgive not only others but self, love yourself because the Great, Good, Living, Loving God loves you? When you genuinely love self, loving others comes naturally? Saw an evocative quote recently with my friend from the beginning of this paragraph: "Bad news is: there is no key to the universe. Good news: universe was never locked." - Beyondnanda

So, am better because of my long ago friend. And being better contributes to wanting to be better in mind, in heart,  in body. Looking inward with my mind at my body, I realized I lack core strength. Not just a little but a lot; anatomically articulated, very 

underdeveloped psoas, transverse abdominal and related core muscles. Sure, have done yoga for years. Been an athlete all my life. Took pride in physical fitness and working out. But since I was a kid, I have used strength in all-around muscles to make it look like I was performing a particular motion, like walking or climbing stairs, or striking a pose, e.g. "tree" in yoga. Took four years but yoga 

and my friend have exposed me as a fake. Absent the value judgment and self flagellation (see paragraph one), I can get on with doing things correctly. Estimate it will take about three years to aright. But engaging my core as I sit, as I walk, and doing specific exercises that isolate and encourage the underdeveloped muscles makes everyday actions easier. Dear God, has everyone else known this all their lives? All my life, been working my butt off (literally because I used a lot of butt muscles to compensate...probably used my butt muscles to smile...have been a buttface then, no? Forgive me, please, for being a buttface and for digressing) for sitting, walking, among other activities.  Breathing, especially, has gotten easier. And for a guy who had asthma as a child, like that it could kill me, breathing better brings new life.

Almost fifty, learning how to breathe. So much to learn. A kid again. What pain in the butt! What fun! What next, Papa?

Returning to the U.S. next Saturday. Intend to share with you in next post impressions of this place, another planet,  from this time, some nine months past since I landed in southern Afghanistan. Have interspersed pictures of self and this place over these past nine months to hint at the next post, should be soon. Maybe even next week. Happy Father's Day. Love you all dearly, Tim